she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
