Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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