Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
