Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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