This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's get the cat blown out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
