and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
