I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
porn star boner night. come get it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
