Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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