just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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