I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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