AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
