The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize