she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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