he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
