Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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