I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
