we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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