I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
