yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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