so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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