my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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