I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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