What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How naked do you want me to be?
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