you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
