rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
