check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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