Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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