They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
