Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
