tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
