It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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