John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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