I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
