Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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