i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
