People with herpes should wear stickers.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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