even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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