I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
