I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
