there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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