i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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