i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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