its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
