well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
