Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
