woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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