Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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