girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
