if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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