Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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