wanna go halves on a baby?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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