now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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