you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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