I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
