He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
