My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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