I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
