only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
