I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
