You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
