Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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