It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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