My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
