you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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