1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
