ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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