You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
