ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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