overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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