The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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