Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
