I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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